Never Forget: Burnley

I'm gonna go ahead and say that we should leave Djimi Traore on the bench for tomorrow's game. Oh, I kid - we always seem to remember is his spectacular, Marseille Roulette O.G against Burnley, crashing us out of the competition, but forget that he was a starter in Istanbul. That game, one of the more embarrassing in recent years, serves as a reminder of the potential banana peels that FA Cup games are. Preston has been in good form

Stevie is set to get a start, Torres and the Skirt are available for selection, and I expect a few youngsters as well. El Zhar for the full 90, please.

Reina
Darby Skrtel Hyypia Dossena
Lucas El Director*
El Zhar Stevie MBE Babel
Keano

*special thanks to the Match Pricks at The Highbury for this nickname I had never heard before; I mean, El Maestro, while vastly appropriate for Xabi, is just played out, and I imagine that "string puller" is a little clunky in Spanish.

We Hardly Knew Ya

Hey Craig Bellamy - fuck you.

I didn't mind your signing. I really didn't. You were somewhat proven as a goal-scorer in the Premiership. You came cheap. You seemed like you wanted to clean up your act, put your head down, and score goals. You even trotted out the tried and true "I was a boyhood Reds fan" like we seem to require of all our new signings. But then you took a golf club to the shin of one of your teammates.

Well, it was long over before that incident, as you were clearly not Liverpool quality, but that was the proverbial straw, bringing our badge into disrepute and embarrassing everyone involved with the club. Your likeness, both in the number of branches you hit on the plummet down the ugly tree, as well as your embarrassingly aggro behavior, bears an uncanny resemblance to Biff from Back to the Future. You're like a slightly more charming Joey Barton. You're a guy no one in their right mind would ever want dating his sister, famous footballer or not. In fact, I'd set your date rape over/under to 10.5 (-160). In short, you're that bully in grade school who wasn't cool, wasn't smart, and took it out on everyone else because you have a small, shriveled cock.

Today we will play your perennially-borderline-relegation side at the most historic stadium in England. A place you used to call home. A place where you were raised the linesman's offside flag like Mazda Miatas raise suspicions about one's sexual preference.

We're not looking for three points today - we're looking for padding our goal differential. It's really a shame John Arne Riise isn't on our squad anymore, if for nothing else than it would be a good chance for him to kick you all match long. That is, of course, if you get off the bench today.

Cheers, Craig.

I had a woefully inadequate amount of Thanksgiving leftovers this weekend. After smoking two turkeys, no less. But with no microwave to heat them up, what good are leftovers anyway?

Monday Night Football for our Reds. Always a bit strange when we've got a noon kick-off, local time, as opposed to the much more frequent 11:45am weekday Champions League times. When was our last league fixture on a weekday?

But I digress. It's Hammers time and we've got them at home, where they haven't beaten us since 1963. Let's not change that today. Of course, the big news from the weekend is that Chelsea suffered a loss to l'Arse, at home, and gives us the chance to move three points clear. I don't have to explain to you why these three points are absolutely crucial.

We haven't really played good football in awhile and hopefully that changes today. With a little extra rest and some added fire knowing our title rivals dropped points, I expect it to. Robbie needs to come good today and put in a goal or two. Stevie and Kuyt have carried us this season; it's about time our 20M-pound striker pulls his weight. And I don't mean working hard and setting up goals - I mean finishing those gilt-edged and not-so-gilt-edged chances. I'm sick of seeing him trying to be too cute and finishing goals ever-so-cleverly. Hit the back of the net, son, and play with some confidence. Our players are looking to him for leadership, and while he's been a great teammate thus far and has created chances, we need a goal-scorer while Torres rehabs.

Hammers can give us a right good scare if we let them stay in the game, but an early goal will kill the game off. Di Michele is a tricky player that scores some great goals and Bellamy has pace in spades. Behrami is a player I really like (and actually wanted us to sign in the summer).

I would like to see N'Gog get some time up top because he seems like a no-nonsense player who takes his chances. Or at least tries to. That seems to be what Robbie needs, because he will no doubt try and create the "perfect goal" with eight too many touches in the box and I want someone who will strike the ball like he's got a pair. The young Frenchman seems to have that. N'Gog is the most like-for-like striker, in comparison to Torres, and while he's obviously raw, I think he needs some blooding. If he can't make an impact, yank him at the 60th and move Dirk up top.

Dossena in for the injured Aurelio. I don't know which is more amazing - the fact that an Italian international, who had a great year in Serie A last season, is relegated to the bench in favor of Fabio Aurelio, or the fact that our Brazilian left back made it through an astounding four (?) games without injury. Story of this guy's career, so let's hope Dossena can remember that he's a defender, who is at least partially responsible for defending, and that he should kick the ball out when he's deep in our defensive third. As opposed to, you know, letting them get in a cross? Sometimes that leads to goals and Andrea's been culpable on a few crucial ones this year.

I would give him a rest, but there's no way Rafa will keep Masch on our bench, methinks. Of course, I wouldn't mind him giving Bellamy a few kicks in the ankle, but I'd like to see Xabi and Stevie in the middle for this one.

Alright, time to find a stream so I don't have to bike home at half or risk those pesky spoiler texts. Come on you Reds.

Meh

Well, I didn't expect that. After a loss against Spurs in the league - a game dominated by the guys in Red for 70 minutes - we get a 4-2 hyding at White Hart Lane. Shades of our Carling Cup/FA Cup embarrassment two seasons ago courtesy of l'Arse (Julio Baptista - four goals, including a missed PK - are you fucking kidding me?), only this time it was to the Gunners' annoying little brother.

I know, I know - it's the Careless Cup, the Mickeyest of Mouses Trophy, a tournament about half as meaningful as the Club World Cup. The Intertoto is more glamorous. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping for some late-game heroics or screaming for a 75th minute penalty that our good friend Mike Riley blatantly missed. A few points:

- El-Zhar is the best thing to come out of Morocco since, um, the tangerine. Ok, he's French, but of Moroccan descent. Brie w/ tangerine? Nice.

He's a beast in the making - a tricky dribbler with a really good shot and seemingly very two-footed. Should, knock on wood, Stevie MBE get injured, I think he's the most like-for-like in that CAM role we play in the 4-2-3-1. High praise, I realize, but I really rate this kid.

- Torres: 55 minutes, not injured. I'll take that over a win in this tournament any day.

- Dossena: merely communication issues with Cav or is he just plain horrible? Too early to tell but one thing's for sure - Aurelio has a firm grip on that LB position. Let's just hope we get some stability at that position and pray that Pepe doesn't get hurt. Cavalieri was rusty and just plain terrible for one 15 minute stretch.

- Hyypia is inconsistent, to be expected at his age, but he looked slow and overconfident and contributed to a very poor performance from our backline. I love the guy but he can't get any meaningful action if he's going to have the occasional game like he had yesterday.

- N'Gog looks like a very good striker in the making. He holds the ball up well and has a very nice touch. We didn't see many shots from him yesterday, but he scored a couple screamers in the pre-season so he's got that in his repertoire. If he didn't play while Torres was injured, I can't imagine we see him in the first-team much the rest of the year, but he's one to keep an eye on.

So while I'd like to chalk this up as our C Team v. Spurs' A team, I'm frustrated by the fact that this was a team comprised mostly of fringe players, not reserves players. And Spurs played a watered-down lineup as well. I'm not going to get too down for this loss, because at some point the Careless adds to fixture congestion, but I'm disappointed by our second team, who should have done better. Our midfield got bossed around, we only got meaningful possession in the second half, and we give up a goal immediately following our first (nice to see some goals from corners, finally).

And not to take anything away from Spurs, who've now won five of six, with only one draw, but this is Spurs' Champions League, their only realistic chance at winning any silverware, so let's let them have their fun.

League action this weekend against Bolton and that remains our real focus this season. Kuyt, Keane, Stevie G, Riera, and Carra all got some much-deserved rest yesterday, so we should be fresh. Bolton are a tough team to break down, and very physical, but the full three is a must.

And so on and so forth.

More Ownership Fodder; Spurs in the Careless

Always a good day when I can see the hills on my way to work. Maybe that bodes well for today's match...

So I'm hearing rumors that the impending credit crunch - what, you didn't hear? we're entering the neo-Depression - our beloved owners will be forced to sell Liverpool Football Club, making substantially less profit than they had hoped.

A couple of points:
The bank has sufficient reason to be anxious about the loan - businessmen like Gillett and Hicks have lost substantial money in the past few months, they're clearly unable to maintain a functioning business relationship (despite reports to the contrary), the operating revenue is not on par with the other big clubs, due to a significantly smaller stadium less effective marketing of the LFC brand, and it seems that Gillett was always going to be trying to keep his head above water in this deal, so lacking the financial clout that he was forced into the co-ownership with Hicks.

The thing is, I'm not sure if the bank would call the loan in at this point. Aren't banks in this thing to make money? They're generating interest off the loan, and the value of the club (um, Fernando Torres, Gerrard, Babel, etc?), the stadium, brand name, and the operating revenue far exceed the value of the loan.

Still, it begs the question of whether the Sheikh will come in, our Arab in shining armor, and take over the club. I'm still not sure what that would mean for the club - I certainly wouldn't want him to turn us into a cartoon like Abu Dhabi has done at Citeh (Champions League - Are You Having a Laugh?!? F.C.), and to be honest, Gillicks' last 8 or so months has been very good. They're not blabbing off to the media, they're backing Rafa, with a reported long-term contract extension on the way, and they have, at least in terms of public perception, kissed and made up. We made some nice purchases this summer, even if it meant selling a few players (who in all honesty needed to go anyway - we've got too youngsters to blood), and we're atop the table.

If the banks do come calling, Gillicks will have no problem finding a buyer. We're not Newcastle. We won't be Leeds. The club is just fine - the only risk is bore by Gillicks: they may have to sell the club at a cut-rate price because the Sheikh will have them by the short & curlies. But fuck 'em, they were in this solely as a financial investment and that was the risk they took.

On to Spurs today, however. Let's fuck 'em up with our B team and remind them that they're bottom of the table for a reason. Lucas and Hyypia to score in a 2-0 win, though I'm guessing it will be difficult to keep the sheet clean, especially if Degen gets a run-out.

Come on you Reds.

Spurs-Reds: Carling Cup 11/12/08

Goddamn I love L.A in the Fall. Makes me never want to leave.

Midweek action tomorrow and that means only one thing: what excuse shall I use for taking a long lunch?

Time to unleash some fury. We saw glimpses of it in the 3-0 thrashing of West Brom last weekend but it didn't quite wash out the bitterness from our first defeat of the season, that frustrating 2-1 loss at White Hart Lane in the 90th minute, a game we certainly deserved a point out of, if not the full three.

We look tired. Yes, top of the table, but Albert Riera hasn't gotten a rest since his flight in from Barcelona. Dirk Kuyt runs in his sleep but even he needs a break at some point. Carra's played every meaningful minute this year and needs a rest (Exhibit A: his performance against Spurs).

We've got more young talent than the Shutterbugs client list - why not blood guys like Damien Plessis, Emiliano Insua, and Nabil El-Zhar against Spurs? They're hungry and immensely talented, and while they might be fringe players at the moment, several have played crucial minutes for the first-team and could challenge for some decent minutes over the course of the rest of the season.

El-Zhar is the player that excites me the most. He scored that 25-yard screamer last year in this very competition and has made instant impact as a late-game sub, creating Riera's 80-minute equalizer against Wigan and sparking our eventual comeback.

Insua is another player we need to see more of. Aurelio is as fragile as an Arsene Wenger signing and though Dossena's been okay, he clearly needs time to adapt to the English game. We need to get Insua on the field to see what he's got in case he's forced into action later in the year. The Argentine U-20 is clearly talented (he looked great in the Olympics), and has featured in some ten first-team games for us, but he's still unproven.

And what better team to bring out the pups?

Spurs are in good form - hey, some day soon they might get off the bottom of the table. They're buyin' what 'Arry's sellin' and gave Dinamo Zagreb a thorough beating mid-week last week in the NIT. Good for them - we will need them to help pick off points from our title rivals and what would the NIT, er, UEFA Cup, be without Tottenham? I shudder at the thought.

I anticipate, as holders of the Careless Cup, they will want to retain it, and Redknapp will play mostly a first-XI so as to not throw off their form and sharpness. Certainly Bent will be on the field from the get-go, given his goal-scoring record of late.

It would be fun to field mostly reserves and demoralize them with a two-goal lead. I think Rafa will agree, to an extent, and with far more important fixtures looming, Gerrard, Carragher, Reina, Kuyt, Riera, Keane, Mascherano, and Xabi should all get full rest. Put El Nino out there with Yossi, Babel, Agger, and the kids and tell the young players that this is their shot - keep winning in the Careless and you'll continue to get minutes. We've got the depth to do it and I really would love nothing more than an insult-to-injury win over those pesky North Londoners:

-------------------Cavalieri--------------------
Degen--------Agger---Sami--------Insua
-----------------------Plessis-------------------
El-Zhar-------------Lucas-----------Babel
---------------Yossi---------------------------
------------------------------Torres-------------

Mas o menos

In what has become an interesting Silly Season subplot, Xabi Alonso will now reportedly stay a Red, after Juventus claim that their purchase of Christian Poulsen will end their transfer window shopping.

Juventus' purchase of Christian Poulsen should put to rest anymore talk of Xabi to the Old Lady of Turin, snubbing any hope of a midfield reunion that so effectively played together at Liverpool. At least that's what Juve are saying, and why should we ever doubt an Italian club president? The very pinnacle of honesty, integrity, and straight talk.

The domino effect of this development, of course, is that Gareth Barry's desire to leave the realm of the whingingest coach this side of North London (no, not you Juande) looks in major doubt. Now, this could all well be posturing on the parts of both Juve and Liverpool, but you have to think that Xabi will be back donning the Carlsberg logo.

To be quite honest, I have no problem with keeping Xabi at the expense of signing Barry. He's a player that was so influential in his first two seasons at Anfield, spraying passes all over the field with ease. I'll never forget his insistence at taking the penalty in Istanbul, stepping up and grabbing the ball, despite not winning the PK. He took the responsibility off of Stevie, who I didn't really want taking it anyway. Sure, it was saved well by Dida, but he took the rebound left-footed cool as Kool-Aid and equalized, setting up a remarkable finish.

I watched Xabi play at the Euro and was impressed. He was clearly out of form the last year and looked a lot different playing for Spain. Injuries nagged him and he was not on the best of terms with Rafa at times. I do think that playing alongside Masch hurts Xabi's game a bit (he was much better when paired with a gazelle-like destroyer in Momo), and I was looking forward to seeing the further development of Lucas, whose game is better matched with Javi.

But Xabi has never stated that he wanted to leave. I think he genuinely wants to stick around and fight for his place. And rightfully so - when on his game he is truly a maestro that can control and dominate possession. Players of his quality are few and far between.

I also think the fallout of us openly expressing our desire to sell him will be reduced by the fact that we were holding out for an exorbitant fee of a reported £18M. Good on Rafa to stick to his guns in his pricetag.

The real loser here is Martin O'Neill, who fully deserves the egg on his face after his petulant and whiny behavior in early June. He dragged Rafa's name through the mud for no apparent reason, using his old chums in the media to perpetuate some sort of wrongdoing on Benitez' part, when in actuality it's his player that clearly wants to leave Birmingham. See Marty, Barry wants to win trophies, and not make a nice run at the ones with "Intertoto" or "Carling" written on the side. He wants to achieve some goals in his career, and while it's nice what you've done up there in B'ham, it's really only the equivalent of dry-humping your girlfriend in high school.

Now Marty's stuck with a captain who doesn't want to be there, who resents his manager's behavior, the guy who slapped such a ridiculous price tag on him, effectively preventing him from chasing his career goals, playing with his best friend, and becoming an English national team staple, helped by the brighter lights of Anfield.

This could merely be a twist, and perhaps Xabi will end up leaving and paving the way for Barry. But I tend to think that will not happen, and that Barry could end up being sold for a cut-rate price to a team like Arsenal, who could really use a player in his mold.

Stay tuned.

Round One in the Can

Ah, the deceiving allure of international football. Everyone thinks it's gonna be more fun than a Mourinho-Ferguson steel-cage death match, but really it plays out more like an encore of Kasparov-Deep Blue (which, as you're well aware, paled in comparison to Kasparov-Big Blue). That's right, the first round is under our belt and not an exciting game to speak of.

Sure, the Netherlands looked good in their domination of the Italians (and really, what's better than the eye-grating, ass-puckering style of the Azzurri getting thoroughly outclassed by the pure attacking style that the Dutch have always embodied?). And Spain looked smoother than Richard Greico circa 1988 in their 4-1 romp over the Russians. But when you have to point to a couple of blow-outs as the games of the tournament so far it might be an indicator that there's been less drama in Auswisstria than Reagan-Mondale 1984.

A few things have become abundantly clear so far:

- Germany, Spain, and Holland have emerged as the best teams after their first-round wins, though an early Dutch peak will inevitably lead to a disappointing exit in the first or second round of the knockout stage. Now, if Ruud can keep it up and the Oranje can get a few more of the gritty, industrious performances out of Gio (my MOTM) and Dirk Kuyt, as well as the brilliant finishing that Wesley Snjeider displayed, they may have a run at the trophy. Call me crazy, but I just don't see that happening.

- Franck Ribery needs to clone himself if France is going to have a chance at Euro glory. He's surrounded by young, unproven players who aren't steely enough to provide incisive play in the final third (Benzema, Nasri, Gomis), an aging prima donna who looks low on confidence, normally his best attribute (Anelka) and a player that simply provides nothing useful in the attack (Malouda; for further proof of his ineptitude, see his entire season at Chelsea last year).

France looks to be a team full of problems, and that's not even getting into their mini injury crisis. Domenech needs to tweak his lineup, which prefers Toulalan to Flamini and had Thierry Henry on the bench. I'm not sure of Henry's injury, but it seems to me that Thi-Thi is the only player who can link up with Ribery and bury the ball in the back of the net, Barca-form notwithstanding.

Benzema certainly didn't look the part against Romania and Gomis seemed content to simply give the ball away on the two or three touches he actually got. The good news for France, of course, is that they'll be facing an aging Italian team that will need to attack balls-out against Les Bleus, which would seem to suit Ribery's game well, as they'll be vulnerable to a counter-attack. If Henry can't go, I would start Gomis and Anelka, which would allow Bafetimbi a lot more time to get acclimated to the pace of a truly meaningful international match. He's more of the supporting striker prototype than Benzema, and he could drop deeper into the midfield, giving more options to Ribery who shouldn't be expected to do it all himself. Anelka is a more than capable finisher and if Gomis can alleviate some of the pressure on Ribery, it should allow Scarface the chance to put a few balls on a platter for Anelka.

- What is it about national team duty that brings the best out of Lucas Podolski? He's long been a player I've admired (yeah, I know, a real diamond in the rough that I discovered there), though I admittedly only see him with ze Germans and not with Bayern Munich week in and week out. Then again, no one's seen him play much with Bayern this year. That looks to change next year, as Klinsi comes in to take the reigns of the German giants, and Podolski is clearly a favorite of his. The former "best young player" at the 2006 World Cup got off to a cracking start, scoring two goals while deployed on the left wing, the second of which was a beautifully-taken volley that finished off his Polish brethren.

- David Villa simply must come to Liverpool. He and El Niño will combine for 60 goals, several of which will look like Spain's first today against Russia, which screamed "Who said we can't play together, motherfucker!?!" After Villa got his hatty, who does he immediately run over to celebrate with? Yup, that's right, his newly-strawberry blond-hued strike partner, Fernando Torres. Of course, with that performance his price tag just jumped by £10M (or as Tommy and Georgie call it, a few weeks worth of travel expenses).

Look, I don't ask for much, really. Just finish the Barry deal and start feeding David Villa copious amounts of Scouse stew. On second thought, let's nix the stew.

- Karma's a bitch, ain't it my Grecian friends? Picking up right where they left off, Greece came out playing their uniquely Mediterranean brand of anti-football, only this time their competition seemed up to the task. It took a belaboring 67 minutes, but Zlatan gave the world a moment of magic (relief?) when he combined brilliantly with the ageless wonder Henrik Larsson, playing a 1-2 before rifling home with a ferocious strike. Good on you, mate. You'd be hard-pressed to find a football fan who wouldn't be willing to buy the Inter striker a few rounds of Svedka after his demoralizing blow to the Grecians.

Fuck you Greece, you took the joy and passion out of Euro 2004 and I hope Spain and Russia combine to beat you 28-0.

Carry on.