England - Paraguay

A snoozer of a game. Sven-Goran Eriksson sure knows how to kill a team's momentum.

Anyway, onto the commentary:

Marcelo and Dave O'Brien were their usual awful selves. These guys are total clowns. I feel bad for O'Brien because he actually sounds like a competent human being, but he's put out on an island with Balboa. I sometimes wonder if O'Brien thinks that Balboa even knows anything about the game.

Here are a few selected gems from the telecast:

• Dave O'Brien: "...Beckham is so dangerous on crosses...and kicks". Oh, he's dangerous on kicks? Isn't that what they do in soccer?
• After England scores, Balboa says the following: "Great start for England. Bad start for Paraguay." Thanks for pointing that out to us.
• Marcelo called the most recognizable soccer player in the world "Michael Beckham".
• This classic exchange - O'Brien: "Joe Cole said Prince William is "a nice, relaxed geezer". Marcelo: "What's a geezer?". What I would have given to see his wrinkled brow when he said that line.
• Marcelo didn't mention "Michael" Beckham's name once without mentioning how he "bends" it. The "bend" count was at nine by the end of the match.
• Marcelo: "The heat affects you. You sweat more". Oh yeah, that's right, I do sweat more when it's hot out.
• Marcelo on Togo coach Pfister's decision to leave the team at the World Cup, after a pay dispute (I swear to God this is verbatim): "The important thing is not the coach, but the important thing is the team...and this could only affect your team." Dude, what the fuck are you talking about?

When Michael Owen was subbed out at the 55th minute, there was no mention by either O'Brien or (the soccer "expert") Balboa about the position and/or tactical changes. Stuart Downing is a left mid, meaning that either Joe Cole would play up front as a forward with Peter Crouch or he'd play in the hole, directly behind Crouch. I'm an amateur soccer fan and I picked up on this. How the hell do Balboa/O'Brien get away with not knowing this?

Four minutes after the change, O'Brien eventually mentions Downing's substitution, calling Downing "Crouch's new running mate". Uh, no, that's wrong. Cole was the forward and Downing filled in Cole's spot on the right.

Thanks guys, for making a boring game even worse through your lack of knowledge and butchering of the English language.